On weeping

Liz should not read weepy things over lunch. It makes her, well, weepy.

On removing nail varnish

Liz has just committed the school-girl error of taking nail varnish off toes using perfectly painted fingers holding varnish remover soaked cotton wool. This is why you should pay other people to do it for you!

On chocolate asparagus (#2)

Liz has just realised she left her special 'treat for friday' chocolate asparagus at work. Sad times.

On chocolate asparagus (#1)

Liz is celebrating Friday with a chocolate asparagus.

On swine flu precautions (#3)

Liz has just seen her first surgical masks on the tube & it was just as terrifying as she feared.

On swine flu precautions (#2)

Liz is now the antiseptic hand-gel monitor for the 3rd floor.

On puzzingly named biscuits

Liz is sat in her boudoir eating boudoir biscuits and wondering why on earth they were called that in the first place?

On the dangers of running with your eyes shut

Liz was narked that the only treadmills left today were the ones in front of the mirror. She'd have kept her eyes shut, if it hadn't have turned her run into extreme running...

On the ingestion of insects

Liz has inadvertantly swallowed at least 3 flies this weekend. Don't suppose they're listed in the calorie counter.

On not realising what time of the month it is

Liz feels like she needs to hide in a darkened room to scream & throw things - but has no idea why she feels like this

On swine flu precautions (#1)

Liz is wondering which she's more scared of: the prospect of a global flu pandemic or thousands of people taking to the streets wearing surgical face masks. It's a tough call for a mask-phobic girl.

On painful shoes

Liz is suffering from 'first day of wearing favourite summer shoes this year' pain. Totally worth it though.

On the effects of napping

Liz should not nap on damp hair - it creates an unfortunate look.

On restricted movement

Liz should remember the restrictions imposed on movement whilst tethered to her laptop via headphones.

On the inappropriate use of forks

Liz is having limited success at eating a yoghurt with a fork. At least it's not dripped down her top...oops, spoke too soon.

On expensive drinking locations

Liz could get used to the Moet bar, but probably shouldn't.

On the importance of capital letters

Liz is unduly irritated by the fact that gmail has changed her 'Inbox' to an 'inbox'. Grammatical pedantry strikes again.

On the dangers of dental hygiene

Liz is wondering how long her tongue's going to stay purple after using a disclosing tablet. They should carry a warning.

On emergency situations

Liz has safely negotiated multiple police cordons and an emergency evacuation of the office. Did somebody say bomb?

On google

Liz is 'like google, but more attractive'.