On counting chickens on the way to the station

Liz should've known better than to think to herself "wow, I'm earlier than I thought", because of course, that was the moment she discovered a police cordon blocking the rest of the route to the station.

On eating as an extreme sport

Liz has invented a new extreme sport: eating sour skittles despite having mouth ulcers - a strangely addictive combination of pleasure and pain.

On insomnia & its educational benefits

Liz likes learning new things - like random facts about Mammoths - but not at 4am when she should be fast asleep.

On eating with interesting implements

Liz thinks food (nearly) always tastes better when eaten with chopsticks. It certainly lasts longer.

On insomnia and Big Brother

Liz has realised that there's nothing more frustrating than watching people sleeping live on TV when you can't get to sleep.

On insomnia & TV schedules

Liz has discovered that Loose Women is repeated at 3am. Sadly she did not discover this by reading a TV guide. *Yawn*

On not paying attention properly

Liz should've paid more attention the the weather forecast instead of concentrating on the 'hot' bit, rather than the 'torrential rain showers' bit. She's now wet, bedraggled, in need of dinner, a mug of tea and a hug.

On justifying further handbag purchases

Liz has made up for a long, long day with the purchase of another aesthetic & functional O&N bag. (Today's bag has a totally different function to the one acquired 2 weeks ago - she does have some control of her shopping habits.)

On the role of gospel singing in exacerbating bad weather

Liz is wondering whether singing "Send your rain down" this afternoon only served to exacerbate the dismal weather situation.

On Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Liz has finally watched Harry Potter & the Teenage Angst...and it was much more angsty than the book. She may now have a bit of a soft spot for Ron.

On finally seeing the effects of the diet working

Liz is thinking that when the trousers can come off without being undone, it's probably time to buy new ones.

On the stalkee being followed by a stalker (or not)

Liz has spent the evening pretending to be famous & cool enough to hang out in a private members club - it obviously worked as a west end star followed her home...

On being forced to have fun

Liz objects to enforced fun. Especially when the 'fun' is a picnic and the enforcement is having it - regardless of torrential rain showers.

On making do and mending

Liz is spending the evening mending & wishing she'd remembered that a stitch in time saves nine.

On resisting temptation

Liz has just discovered someone else's facebook login is stored on her computer...but she is taking the moral high ground and deleting it before temptation kicks in.

On PMT

Liz is a lady not to be crossed today.

On discovering that she has annoying habits

Liz constantly hums to herself at work, apparently. How has she not noticed and why has it taken her colleagues so long to complain?

On the problems of being on a diet

Liz should remember that the problem with not having drunk much alcohol for a while is that all of a sudden, 1 pint = silly Lizzy.

On developing eccentricity

Liz was mildly embarrassed to realise she'd been wearing odd earrings all day, but on reflection decided London sees far weirder things & simply felt eccentric instead.

On becoming low-fat ice cream dependent

Liz's relationship with low-fat Phish Food is becoming distinctly unhealthy.

On the shelf-life of milk in summer

Liz should've sniffed the milk before pouring it over her post church cheerios.

On finishing the Harry Potter saga

Liz has finished with Harry and cried buckets over and over again. But it was definitely worth the heartache.

On getting reacquainted with Harry

Liz can't wait to get into bed and snuggle up with Harry. (Potter)

On the death of favourite shoes

Liz has yet again failed to ensure the wearing of weather appropriate footwear and should probably throw away the holey (but lovely) shoes. RIP pretty black ballet shoes.

On Jesus' views on hymnbooks

Liz is wondering if Jesus cares whether there's a new Methodist hymn book/supplement/rolling resource?

On the Women's Doubles final

Liz is watching the women's doubles final and pondering why it is that Serena doesn't have a better sports bra?

On making labels

Liz has been reunited with the label maker. Happy day.

On the difference between body and soul

Liz's Tongan soul adores this weather. (It's just the British body that doesn't cope so well.)

On acquiring a reputation

Liz is amused that her mother is being asked "are you related to Liz Clutterbuck?" on a regular basis. How times have changed.

On Bishops and surnames

Liz has just had her presence requested by a Nigerian Bishop, purely on the basis that he was intrigued by her surname.

On using other people's stationery

Liz has just realised the pen lid she's been chewing is from a pen that does not belong to her...and was already chewed. Ewwwwwwwww.

On Andy Murray (#2)

Liz believes she may be personally responsible for jinxing Murray's game, thanks to a lunchtime discussion on the tedium of straight-sets victories. Foolish, foolish girl...

On enforced saunas

Liz loves a sauna when she chooses to use one, but does not like it when train companies turn their trains into them.

On Andy Murray (#1)

Liz is pleased Murray's doing so well, but is nostalgic for the many angst-ridden hours spent supporting Tim. Straight sets victories can't compete with 5 set marathons.

On apt meeting locations

Liz loves when a round-table discussion meets round a round table.

On Wimbledon & the gym

Liz has her office departure perfectly timed so she can go and watch exciting tennis at the gym. I'm right in thinking Pimms is frowned upon as an energy drink?

On the diverse cleansing properties of anti-bacterial hand gel

Liz was not impressed by the late start to her 9am meeting or by the chewing gum found stuck to her new shoes. However, she was impressed at the effectiveness of anti-bacterial hand gel as a chewing gum remover.

On the terror of bees in confined places

Liz has endured her most traumatic tube experience to date: 15 mins trapped in a carriage with a very angry bee.

On abnormally cold offices

Liz is working in a fridge & determined not to put her cardi on. It's June, the sun's shining and it's hot...outside.

On inappropriately noisy shoes

Liz seems destined to always own noisy shoes. The ones that go "clip-clop" in a horselike fashion have been joined by Birkenstocks that make a less favourable noise. (I'll leave it's exact nature up to your imagination.)

On the joys of West End Live

Liz loves a day spent with green witches, singing nuns, dirty puppets and drag queens. (But could've done without the health & safety briefing from Fireman Sam.)

On God & iphones

Liz has used an iphone in her dreams for the 2nd time. Really think God's trying to say something...

On similarities with Wikipedia

Liz is like Wikipedia: a source of useless information and often wrong.

On reading

Liz wishes she didn't cry so easily whilst reading heart-rending books. It makes tube journeys incredibly embarassing & waterproof mascara only works for so long.

On forgetfulness

Liz was sure she'd thought of something exciting to say on her way home, but the excitement of getting home seems to have completely banished it from her mind.

On church-based relationships courses

Liz thinks that the problem with spending hours at church talking about relationships is that you start thinking about sending possibly inappropriate texts to possibly inappropriate people...

On the absence of tweezers

Liz has three options: 1. Locate mislaid tweezers. 2. Buy new replacement tweezers. 3. Do neither & simply become scary mono-brow lady. She's thinking #2 looks like the most attractive option right now.

On swine flu vs. colds (#2)

Liz has concluded that she does not have swine flu, just a common cold. Secretly she was hoping for something much more interesting, given her dislike of ever being regarded as 'common'.

On swine flu vs. colds (#1)

Liz is trying to remember the difference between the symptoms of swine flu and the common cold. She's also trying not to become a hypochondriac.

On the tube strike (#3)

Liz has had a surprisingly pain-free journey home, the only pain being the knowledge that this morning's journey could have been a lot less painful had she realised the Jubilee line was working.

On the tube strike (#2)

Liz genuinely loves travelling through London above ground, through stationary traffic and pouring rain. Sarcasm? Nope, no sarcasm here...

On the tube strike (#1)

Liz is in the unfortunate position of not living far enough away from work to make a non-tube commute impossible; not living close enough for it not to matter; and living just the right distance away for it to be a ignominious inconvenience.

On compliments

Liz is feeling the warm glow of having compliments bestowed upon her, but is doing her best to ensure that it doesn't light the fire of big headedness.

On paranoia

Liz is wondering whether to take the suggestion that she turn her facebook statuses into a book as a compliment or an indication that she writes far too many of them

On the length & content of weekends

Liz has decided that weekends need to be either longer, or she has to stop packing so much into them. Actually, they could just do with being longer.

On buying train tickets online

Liz has been traumatised by disaster of an online shopping experience. Charging me 7 times for tickets to Gloucester? I think not.

On democratic rights

Liz has been to tesco & exercised her democratic right to vote. She suggests you do the same - in voting that it is. You have the democratic right to shop at whatever supermarket you choose.

On ankle issues

Liz would love to say that it was over exertion at the gym that's triggered her ankle issues, but no, it was the pretty shoes.

On important presentations

Liz is writing the script for her primary school assembly...sorry, very important team meeting. Should she be taking it a bit more seriously?

On noisy shoes

Liz has spent the day wearing shoes that make horse noises. (As in "clip-clop" not "neigh"). It made her happy.

On not taking precautions when cooking

Liz very literally has burnt fingers from handling too many hot potatoes. Oh the pain when metaphors come to life!

On wanting to kill colleagues

Liz is in the kind of mood where creating a game of MCH cluedo seems like an excellent idea...

On inappropriate outdoor footwear

Liz designated her 'office shoes' for a reason - they had a hole in their sole. This meant that they shouldn't be worn outside, especially when wet. Liz forgot this and now has very wet and very cold feet. And her shoes squelch. Nice.

On tiger balm

Liz loves the smell of tiger balm in the evening...

On hair going wrong

Liz is crazy curly hair lady. This cannot be repeated

On mens' locker rooms

Liz gained entry to the men's locker room today. Disappointingly it was both grotty & devoid of men.

On chocolate asparagus (#3)

Liz has finally consumed her chocolate asparagus (no actual asparagus involved) and was a little bit disappointed. Stupid luxury confectionery - should've had a wispa instead.

On weeping

Liz should not read weepy things over lunch. It makes her, well, weepy.

On removing nail varnish

Liz has just committed the school-girl error of taking nail varnish off toes using perfectly painted fingers holding varnish remover soaked cotton wool. This is why you should pay other people to do it for you!

On chocolate asparagus (#2)

Liz has just realised she left her special 'treat for friday' chocolate asparagus at work. Sad times.

On chocolate asparagus (#1)

Liz is celebrating Friday with a chocolate asparagus.

On swine flu precautions (#3)

Liz has just seen her first surgical masks on the tube & it was just as terrifying as she feared.

On swine flu precautions (#2)

Liz is now the antiseptic hand-gel monitor for the 3rd floor.

On puzzingly named biscuits

Liz is sat in her boudoir eating boudoir biscuits and wondering why on earth they were called that in the first place?

On the dangers of running with your eyes shut

Liz was narked that the only treadmills left today were the ones in front of the mirror. She'd have kept her eyes shut, if it hadn't have turned her run into extreme running...

On the ingestion of insects

Liz has inadvertantly swallowed at least 3 flies this weekend. Don't suppose they're listed in the calorie counter.

On not realising what time of the month it is

Liz feels like she needs to hide in a darkened room to scream & throw things - but has no idea why she feels like this

On swine flu precautions (#1)

Liz is wondering which she's more scared of: the prospect of a global flu pandemic or thousands of people taking to the streets wearing surgical face masks. It's a tough call for a mask-phobic girl.

On painful shoes

Liz is suffering from 'first day of wearing favourite summer shoes this year' pain. Totally worth it though.

On the effects of napping

Liz should not nap on damp hair - it creates an unfortunate look.

On restricted movement

Liz should remember the restrictions imposed on movement whilst tethered to her laptop via headphones.

On the inappropriate use of forks

Liz is having limited success at eating a yoghurt with a fork. At least it's not dripped down her top...oops, spoke too soon.

On expensive drinking locations

Liz could get used to the Moet bar, but probably shouldn't.

On the importance of capital letters

Liz is unduly irritated by the fact that gmail has changed her 'Inbox' to an 'inbox'. Grammatical pedantry strikes again.

On the dangers of dental hygiene

Liz is wondering how long her tongue's going to stay purple after using a disclosing tablet. They should carry a warning.

On emergency situations

Liz has safely negotiated multiple police cordons and an emergency evacuation of the office. Did somebody say bomb?

On google

Liz is 'like google, but more attractive'.

On doing pilates with equipment

Liz has discovered that when you involve balls with pilates it becomes a whole new discipline ;)

On being naked at the gym

Liz is relieved she was fully clothed when the fire alarm went off at the gym this morning.

On learning to do funerals

Liz wonders if 'learn to do funerals day' was the wrong day to come and stay at a theological college?

On walking on ice (#2)

Liz is totally over the whole ice thing. Bored now.

On walking on ice (#1)

Liz was very nearly flat on her back on a Zebra crossing this morning. The ice is getting tedious now.

On walking on ice (#3)

Liz has considered crawling as a viable transport option several times in the last 12 hours.

On inappropriate footwear (for snow)

Liz has realised that converse+blizzard+snow drifts = slow walking & wet feet.

On believing she has genuine guitar talent

Liz has achieved her long-held goal of learning to play guitar (as long as it's a plastic one with multi-coloured buttons attached to a wii).

On unexpected Christmas visitors

Liz wonders if anyone elses Christmas service was graced with the presence of a cyberman?

On a mother's Christmas obsession

Liz is wondering whether her mother's collection of international nativity sets has got a little out of hand.

On ill people who come into work

Liz is strongly of the opinion that people should not come into work if they are coughing, spluttering and clearly ill. She does not want their germs.

On Obama's election and beautiful November mornings

Liz saw a beautiful new dawn this morning. Literally and metaphorically.

On disastrous DIY

Liz should've known better than to attempt DIY involving wires. Electrocution's no fun.